Category Archives: Detoxifying

Taking the Plunge – The Great GAPS Do-Over

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More than four years ago, with the help of the Gut And Psychology Syndrome diet I carried myself over the distance from merely keeping my Fibromyalgia symptoms in check to living wholly without symptoms and able to do anything that I liked.  It was a leap that I took like all the others before it from dropping the prescriptions to returning to my acupuncture appointment after my first experience was powerfully new and frightening… it was based on inspiration, an absolute need to be healthy, and shear guts, and it worked.  Better than I even hoped it would.

But, healthy is a tricky thing, or rather, the mind is a tricky thing when it comes to health.  When we are feeling healthy we are often feeling indestructible and brave. We are feeling certain of our enduring health. Like a teenager who believes in their own immortality we take risks, we test limits, we fall for lies, and we slip into the crowd.  I did just this.  After less than 6 months of pure health and freedom we took off for an epic trip around the country that would last more than a year.  The trouble began just four weeks later when we arrived in Taos, NM.  Lured in by the promise of “the most amazing pizza” we leaped off the wagon and never looked back.  From that point on we loaded our RV with healthy organic food, and ate out at every pizza joint we crossed (or could seek out) in 27 states.  There was a time in the summer of 2009 that I could eat pizza two times in a day and 7 times in a week.  Pizza.  From any kind of restaurant, from the hole in the wall sliceries to the fanciest pizzerias.  Made with god knows what kind of ingredients, and stuffed with gluten, hormones and preservatives.  Feeling strong I didn’t actually worry about it.  Then when there were no repercussions I we emboldened and moved out with wild abandon into my reckless crash back into the S.A.D. (Standard American Diet).

It was two months before I was willing to recognize that I was not feeling perfect anymore, but my psyche was all too willing to rationalize it away.  I was healthy after all… look at all the things I could do!

Four months after falling off the wagon ( a full 18 months before I should have even attempted to start adding foods back into my diet) I was having pain again and no longer woke easily in the morning.  I was heading in the wrong direction and clinging to the lies my mind gave me to make it okay.  I was living freely for the first time in memory.  I was traveling the country and wanted to experience everything with no limits, and so I did.  Here’s the kicker, the GAPS diet that I gave so little time to had given me so much healing in that short time that I was able to get away with this for more than a year, until my body succumbed to the major taxation of pregnancy and could no longer handle both things.  By the summer of 2010 I was again experiencing the full range of Fibromyalgia symptoms, with a new baby, a temporarily crippled husband and a house torn down for mold remediation and renovations, we turned again to a dependency on restaurants and easy foods.  I actually cringed when I watched myself feeding my children boxed organic cereals for breakfast, and there I met the end of my reign of health and perception of it.

I cleaned up my act.  We cut out all the major offenses from packaged and restaurant foods, to flours.  It was a definite improvement.  I felt my health return fairly quickly and regained a sense of control. But, since then I have had this lingering feeling of fatigue, sensitivity, and general poor constitution.  It follows me around at all times making me question what I am capable of… what I can get away with.  I have felt strained, anxious, weak, uncertain and afraid of the occasional flare ups.  It sucks.  It has sucked for more than two years now… that fear, uncertainty and doubt.  The hard but unlabeled limits to my health.

And so, after years of hemming and hawing about it I am going to take the plunge and begin all over again with my eye on utter and complete health… fearless freedom in my physical existence.  I have tried all things on the scale from deep disease to absolute health and every compromise in between.  I think I needed to know the limits.  I think I needed to know the truth about my choices.  I know now.  No amount of food freedom is worth living with the threatening shadow of disease.

I am going to do my best to document the whole process here.  I’ll include the good, the bad, and the (inevitably) very ugly.

Let’s go ahead and begin with where I am: The Preparing/Planning Phase.

On the intro diet of GAPS I will be limited to bone broth and boiled meats and vegetables.  Last time we had the whole family on the diet.  This time, for now, I will be going it alone.  Each week, as always, I will make a breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack menu for the family, but I will plan a different menu of broths and soups for myself.

Since I know that I have digestive issues I will be taking both a Pepsin-HCI supplement as well as a pancreatic enzyme supplement.  I have been taking Bio-Kult brand Probiotics, so I will continue with that with the goal of adding in fermented veggie juice to my broth and ultimately fermented vegetables like homemade pickles, kimchi and sauerkraut.

In addition to the probiotics, and enzymes I have tinctures of Skullcap (a nervine), St. John’s Wort (an anti-inflammatory) and California Poppy (for pain).

Over the next couple of weeks I will build up a supply of meaty bones (for soups/stocks).  Right now we make (and use) around 17 quarts (4.5 gallons) of bone stock every 7-9 days.  When I am eating in for all three meals a day and snacks I will likely need more as I will be consuming around three quarts per day.  To manage this we buy our organic bones in bulk from a local rancher and have a 9 gallon lidded stock pot to brew the 4.5 gallons of stock in.
I will also be ordering (discounted) bulk amounts of celery, onions, and garlic from the farmers at the local farmers markets.  Luckily I have a ton of carrots, beets, tomatoes and squash growing our our gardens to add to the soups and won’t need to purchase these for a few months.

I have also purchased 5 lb bags of Celtic Sea Salt and Organic Peppercorns.  I will be using these along with dried herbs to flavor broth and soups.  This week my order of 2 gallons of organic unrefined coconut oil arrived with my 5lb bags of Nettles, Raspberry Leaf, Oatstraw, Horsetail, Comfrey, Elderberries, Rosehips and others that I will outline in another post that includes their useful properties and their preparation.  Many of these provide essential vitamins and minerals in addition to their ability to ease certain symptoms.

What I am presently lacking is a supply of detox bath ingredients.  I did not do detox bathing last time, but I would really like to do it this time to ease the process.  Baths have long been my safe space, if I am feeling ill, overwhelmed, nervous, tired, angry, sad, anything, you will likely find me in the bath.  It eases all ills.  This time I will be adding things like sea salts, baking soda, and clay to the water to draw out the toxins that will be looking for a way out once I begin the healing process and cutting out the foods that supply these toxins into my body.

Right now I’m feeling a little more powerful and certain a shift that always comes when I shift from worry to action, but I am also nervous about managing the cost, dealing with the cleansing symptoms, sticking to my prescribed diet while my family eats my favorite foods, and remembering to take my supplements consistently.  I can not afford enough Fermented Cod Liver Oil to keep a consistent supply of it, so I will take it when I can and forget about it when I can’t.

For right now I will be going without the acupuncture support that I had last time, as well as the medicinal marijuana to manage the die-off and cleansing pain and panic attacks.  This cleansing and healing of the gut can have pronounced effects on the way that the world feels, looks, seems, so it can create some very intense emotions.  For this I will be turning to herbal teas, a safe space to work through intense moments and support from my husband when I need the reassurance that I will need, for even having experiential knowledge of how this works and what it feels like and how it will turn out in the end, in those intense moments it can all go out the window in a quick panic.  I want to be prepared for that.

One last thing.  I have obtained a prescription for eight  5/325 Hydrocodone from a local clinic.  These are my last stronghold against the fear that can cause me to fail to begin or to quit when the going gets tough.  The goal is to not take them at all since they will extend the cleansing, healing process, but I have them for peace of mind.  Whenever I feel that fear, that worsening (before bettering) of symptoms I will have my silent promise to myself:  You can handle this, and if you can’t you won’t suffer it.  This is a choice, not a sentence.  This is a choice, not a sentence.  Make the right one.

 

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A hundred years ago, all food was organic

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Excerpts from an article by Mark Hyman, M.D.

A hundred years ago all food was organic, local, seasonal, fresh or naturally-preserved by ancient methods. All food was food. Now less than 3 percent of our agricultural land is used to grow fruits and vegetables, which should make up 80 percent of our diet. Today there are not even enough fruits and vegetables in this country to allow all Americans to follow the government guidelines to eat five to nine servings a day.

What most of us are left with is industrial food. And who knows what lurks in the average boxed, packaged, or canned factory-made science project.

In the 21st century our tastes buds, our brain chemistry, our biochemistry, our hormones and our kitchens have been hijacked by the food industry. The food-like substances proffered by the industrial food system food trick our taste buds into momentary pleasure, but not our biology, which reacts, rejects and reviles the junk plied on our genes and our hormonal and biochemical pathways. We need to unjunk our biology.

Industrial processing has given rise to an array of addictive, fattening, metabolism-jamming chemicals and compounds including aspartame, MSG (monosodium glutamate), high-fructose corn syrup and trans fats, to name the biggest offenders.

MSG is used to create fat mice so researchers can study obesity. MSG is an excito-toxin that stimulates your brain to eat uncontrollably. When fed to mice, they pig out and get fat. It is in 80 percent of processed foods and mostly disguised as “natural flavorings.”

And trans fat, for example, is derived from a real food — vegetable oil — chemically altered to resist degradation by bacteria, which is why modern cookies last on the shelf for years.

But the ancient energy system of your cells is descended from bacteria and those energy factories, or mitochondria, cannot process these trans fats either. Your metabolism is blocked and weight gain and Type 2 diabetes ensue.

Your tongue can be fooled and your brain can become addicted to the slick combinations of fat, sugar, and salt pumped into factory-made foods, but your biochemistry cannot, and the result is the disaster of obesity and chronic disease we have in America today.

No wonder 68 percent of Americans are overweight. No wonder that from 1960 to today obesity rates have risen from 13 percent to 36 percent and soon will reach 42 percent. Over the last decade the rate of pre-diabetes or diabetes in teenagers has risen from 9 percent to 23 percent.

The best advice is to avoid foods with health claims on the label, or better yet avoid foods with labels in the first place.

Healing Beef Stock

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Broth, made from the bones of animals, has been consumed as a source of nourishment for humankind throughout the ages. It is a traditional remedy across cultures for the sick and weak. A classic folk treatment for colds and flu, it has also been used historically for ailments that affect connective tissues such as the gastrointestinal tract, the joints, the skin, the lungs, the muscles and the blood. Broth has fallen out of favor in most households today, probably due to the increased pace of life that has reduced home cooking in general. Far from being old-fashioned, broth (or stock) continues to be a staple in professional and gourmet cuisine, due to its unsurpassed flavor and body. It serves as the base for many recipes including soup, sauces and gravy. Broth is a valuable food and a valuable medicine, much too valuable to be forgotten or discounted in our modern times with our busy ways and jaded attitudes.  – Allison Siebecker

Throughout my healing journey broth and stock have played starring roles for everything from Fibromyalgia to the most severe stomach flu.  It is humble, unassuming, and so easily dismissed, but it is a true healer.  It took me a while not just to give credit to the benefits of broth, but to implement it as a mainstay in my daily life, but the process has been well worth it.  Not only does it help to heal the body, but it soothes the rough patches of the healing process like die-off, stomach irritation, fatigue and inflammation.  While chicken stock is considered the cream of the stock crop, it is beef stock that we prefer around here because it is easier for us to acquire great bones.  We have made stock from everything from Yak (yes, yak!) to fish and even combined poultry and beef bones.  Each family member has their favorite, but all stock can be wonderfully beautiful in flavor while it does it’s healing work.

From ediblearia.com..

“…if there’s one preparation that separates a great home cook’s from a good home cook’s food, it’s stock.  Stock is the ingredient that most distinguishes restaurant cooking from home cooking.”  -Michael Ruhlman

Here, then, is a proper yet relatively easy way to make a rich, delicious, and (most importantly) healing beef stock at home..

Beef Stock (makes about 1 quart) (informed by recipes by Ruhlman and Darina Allen)

6 cups (more-or-less) cold, filtered water, divided
2 pounds meaty beef bones (shin bones with meat attached are ideal) from a clean, non-industrial source
1/3 pound unpeeled yellow onions, roughly chopped
1/3 pound carrots, roughly chopped
1/3 pound celery, roughly chopped
5 cloves garlic, unpeeled
1 large fresh, ripe tomato, cut into wedges
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
2-3 whole cloves
1 bouquet garni of parsley stalks & leaves, fresh bay leaves and fresh thyme

Arrange the beef bones on a roasting pan or in a large cast iron skillet, allowing plenty of space between each (as you can see, I wasn’t able to find any bones with meat attached, so I rummaged around in the freezer and found an old tri-tip to add to the pan).  Place the pan in a 400 degree oven and roast until nicely browned, about 45 minutes.  Take care not to let the bones burn, or the stock will be bitter.

Remove the pan from the oven and scatter the chopped vegetables, garlic and peppercorns over and around the bones.  Return the pan to the oven and roast until the vegetables are browned around the edges, about 20 minutes.

Transfer the roasted bones, vegetables, garlic and peppercorns to a clean stockpot or Dutch oven.

Pour the grease off from the roasting pan and deglaze with 1 cup of the water.  Bring the water to a boil, then use a wood utensil to scrape up the fond (the brown bits) from the bottom of the pan.  Pour the liquid over the bones and vegetables in the stock pot.

Add enough of the remaining water to cover the bones, then add the cloves and bouquet garni.

Bring the pot to a rapid boil, then lower the heat to a bare simmer.  Skim and discard any foam that may be present on the surface.

Partially cover the pot and allow to simmer for 6-8 hours, skimming and adding water as necessary to keep the bone submerged.

Turn off the heat and allow the stock to cool in the pot for 30 minutes.  Strain the stock through a cheesecloth-lined fine mesh strainer to ensure a clear and clean-tasting stock.

Store stock in the refrigerator and use with 3-4 days, or freeze for up to 6 months.

Quick update and Fluoride, oh my!

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It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  I never mean it to be so long because this is so near and dear to my heart.  However, 16 of the past 20 years of my life were stolen by Fibromyalgia.  Freedom from that tends to lead to the absolute need to live life, forget about the suffering, and move forward.  This is what I’ve been doing.  It’s hard to make myself sit down at the computer and think about, draw up, and write about something that I would rather forget ever happened.  I tend to make excuses, set false deadlines, and ultimately choose to go out, hike, play, travel, cook, whatever, instead.

I am well these days.  I am bemoaning the weakened body I am left with after such a long run of disability, but I am on the path to becoming strong and fit inside my now healthy body.  Yes, the muscle pain of exercise makes me nervous.  Any pain makes me nervous, but I am starting to trust the process and the difference between the chronic pain and symptoms of dis-ease and the ache of working long forgotten muscles and tendons.  I am an avid hiker.  I love it, and it never leaves me feeling badly.  I have been testing the waters of more aerobic exercise such as ballet, as well as strength building work in yoga and floor exercise.  Sometimes I need to take a break, and give myself space to deal with the emotional issues that come up with this.  There is fear, yes, but also anger, resentment, frustration, grief…

It has never been easy, but it has been worth it.  From the first decision to stop all prescription drugs to the last decision to start using my body again, it has been worth it.

As to the Fluoride I mentioned in the title, I’d like to share this with you.

A reader shared this with me and I admit that though I was aware of the many reasons to avoid Fluoride, I believed that it was limited to dental products and municipal water.  I never considered that I could have ever been experiencing Fluoride poisoning.

I did not know that it was added to pharmaceuticals from general anesthetic to antidepressants.  Over my years of prescription treatment, at the hands of my doctors, I was unknowingly exposed, chronically, to fluoride.  So much for Informed Consent.  Sheesh.

Before you begin I would like to say that I fully believe myself to be living proof, not only that Fibromyalgia is a disease of toxicity/poisoning and malnutrition, but also of it’s reversibility through diet, cleansing, removal of chemicals, additives, preservatives, and dyes from my life on the whole, and nutrient dense supplements.  Things such as herbal tinctures and acupuncture are what I relied upon to help me through the pain of the healing process.  They did not heal me.  The path that I have undertaken to remove Fibromyalgia from my life is taken by many people with equal success in their treatments of everything from Chron’s ,to Autism, to Cancer.  The human body wants to be whole.  It wants to be fed, and it wants to be unpolluted.  Most importantly it is a self healing miracle.  Given the chance your body can heal anything.  With a bit of research you can find at least one person to have recovered from all manner of incurable disease.

Without further ado, here are some links to start with:

Index of Fluoride containing Pharmaceuticals
http://www.slweb.org/ftrcfluorinatedpharm.html
Chronic Fluoride Poisoning Q&A
High density sources of vitamins – yes, in FOOD.
While I fully believe that most of our diseases today, such as Fibromyalgia, are a direct result of environmental poisoning, I never knew how insidious Fluoride had become.

The Past 5 Wks – Post Detox – LIFE RETURNS

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Writing the details of what you’re going through while you are suffering it can be a bit much.  It was for me this time.  If I was feeling well enough to write the last thing I wanted to do was recall the symptoms so that I could write about them.  This time around was hard.  Much harder than the first because it was done over a much shorter period of time.  The last time I began eating a fully organic diet a few years before I started eating a whole food diet.  The whole food diet was almost a year before I began the GAPS restrictions, etc.

This time I already knew what I had to do and began it all, cold turkey, at the same time.  The repercussions were pretty severe.  The detox was awful, and not knowing how long it was going to last was difficult to manage.  But, alas, a mere two days after I thought I couldn’t handle the severity of the symptoms anymore and went looking for help, they began a hard, fast decline.  So fast that I was left feeling like it couldn’t possibly have been as awful as I thought it was, or that it was just a lull and would come back.

It hasn’t.  Four weeks ago I took a big plunge and enrolled in a beginner’s ballet class for adults.  I won’t lie.  I was scared.  I almost backed out over and over again.  I almost left during class for fear that I was going to overdo it.  When the instructor told us at the end of class that we were now going to do one full minute of situps every part of my brain went NOOOOOOO.  No!  Bad idea!  Don’t do this!  But I did.  I did it.  I never expected that I could even do it, just that I would try and either hurt myself or plain not be able to DO a situp.  I simply could not believe it when I did it.  I got tears in my eyes.  The music ended, the class clapped, the teacher beamed at us and told us how proud and excited she was to do this class and we walked out the door into the sunny parking lot.  My family was waiting in the car, expectant, wide eyed.   The class had gone 1 hour and 45 minutes.  They couldn’t believe it and as I watched them watching me walk across the parking lot I knew in that moment that even if I did suffer the next day that it was worth it.  The way that I felt in that moment; the strength, the pride the freedom… even if it was never to happen again, it was worth it.

As if that wasn’t enough for a happy ending.  If that wasn’t just almost too much to take it… the next two days came and went uneventfully.  No flare ups.  Nothing that said Fibromyalgia.  I felt what I assume every other dancer felt the next day: the muscles that I hadn’t used before.  When I told my husband I did cry.  I cried because of the relief.  I really was so scared.  I cried because I felt like an ass.  I cried because I had lived without symptoms for sooo long and then made choices.  Choices that I knew I shouldn’t make.  I made excuses.  I felt guilty for where I had put myself again and where I took my family when I went there.  I cried for all the food I ate that polluted my body, for all the times I stayed up watching a movie instead of going to bed.  I cried for all the times I should have made infusion instead of buying a cup of coffee.  I cried and got all the crap out and then let it float away because they didn’t blame me.

It’s hard.  In the world we live in, in the culture we live in: it’s hard.  Even when you know, from personal experience, what you need to do – it’s hard.  And that’s okay.

I’d like to say that I won’t do it again.  That I’ll never let myself feel another Fibromyalgia symptom again, but I know that that’s a lie.  I know that it’s been a matter of weeks since I proved to myself that I have control of whether or not I experience Fibromyalgia and I STILL had an ice cream cone in the historic center last night while sitting with friends.

That’s who I am.  There is some part of me that needs to understand exactly, exactly what I can and cannot do.  Exactly how far I can go.  Exactly how much, how long… I just need to.   I first proved to myself that I could live for years without symptoms.  Then I needed to know how much of the restrictions were certain and how certain they are.  Now I know.  I really do.

I’ve learned some new things this time around too.  Playing with specific types of foods to see my level of sensitivity to them.  Watching which symptoms are affected by what choices.  Knowledge is power.  It’s enough for me to be able to say that I will likely never eat gluten again.  I will never eat anything that contains an additive, binder, or “naturally derived” adulterated ingredient again.

I want to do more than survive the ballet class.  I want to find strength and grace that I have never known.  I want to dance in the recital next year. :-p  Yesterday I hiked for one hour straight up the side of the mountain next to our cabin.  We barely stopped as the thunder clouds rolled in.  My kids wanted to make it “all the way to the top” and so did I.  Just as we reached the summit the sky opened up and rain poured down on us.  We were on a new trail with nothing beyond a sense of which direction would be a sure trail down (rather than to an impassible gorge).  We’re adventurous and never take the same trail down that we took up.  We follow the elk paths and we have real adventures.  It was another hour down the mountain via a valley that a spring fed creek ran through.  It was like a different world in there.  The ridges rising a hundred feet over our heads and the grass and flowers grown as tall as my daughter were so different from dry desert mountain all around it.

I want that more than I want any of the things that I can’t have.  I want that more.

To our health.

xoxo

Detox blues

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It seems that cutting the wheat cold turkey and adding in more bone stock and coconut oil are causing some serious detox symptoms for me and pretty minor ones for J.  First it was breakouts and dry patches on my face.  Then I started what seems to be a cycle of 4 or 5 days of increasing nausea, exhaustion, intestinal struggles, dizziness and that general “I’m getting the flu” icky feeling.  Then it subsides and I have 4 or 5 days of increasing health before I start over again.

About four days ago I started to have this unpleasant tingle-hurt feeling in my lip where I found a tiny lump deep inside.  By the time I got home 5 or so hours later it was blooming into a cold sore such as I have never seen.  I have had about 5 small cold sores in the same spot over the past 10 years.  I know the drill and the look of this one was beyond my comprehension.  I knew it would be bad as it was clearly going to be some 6 times larger than anything I’d ever seen before, but I wasn’t really prepared for all of the symptoms of it to be multiplied so.  I spare you the details, but I’ll tell you that the pain literally brought me to the floor two mornings in a row.  On the afternoon of the worst day I nearly fainted from the intensity of the unceasing pain.  I’ve had three home births.  I can do a little discomfort, but this was wicked, searing, torturous pain that will likely have me quaking in my boot the next time I think I may be getting one.

Now that it’s winding down and on its way out I’ve got an absurdely large canker sore forming inside my lip near my gum line.

Oh the joys of detoxing.  The answer I suppose is to work the other lines of elimination a bit better… more detox baths, more skin brushing, more water…  Being that I’m still nursing little S, I cannot partake in any of the more rigorous detoxing methods, so this could drag out for me for a while.

I’m also planning to go ahead and get some blood work done with a naturopathic doctor or a DOM to see exactly what’s going on in my body and what I can do to ease symptoms and better support my body.  I’ll be meeting with a master herbalist as well to get the lowdown on what exactly I can and cannot take to aid this process of healing up my body.  This kind of thing is a bit beyond my family herbalist training.

Another thing that I have been thinking of, but not acting on is acupuncture. It was such a huge help through this process the last time and I went three times a week for several months.   We’re lucky enough to  have a group session clinic even in our small town and this is how I was able to afford the treatments last time.  As with anything, consistency and regularity make a difference when it comes to healing, and it would be best for me to get out there at least once per week right now.  However, even once per month would be better than nothing at all.

A little note: if you haven’t checked your household cleaning and beauty products with the Environmental Watch Group’s databases yet, I highly recommend it.  It is hard to clean up your body and begin the path of healing if the poisons are still coming in and piling up.  Also consider staying away from anything with Nitrates and Nitrites, even wine.  Wine is something that though I love it, I can really only handle one glass every few months without feeling badly.   When I’m in a state of regular illness like I am now and anyone just beginning would be it is best to stay away from it entirely.

I’m doing better with the sugar that I’ve been getting in my Alter Eco chocolate bars.  I’ve cut down to only one small square in the evening which equates to a fraction of a gram of sugar.  I’ve also added in a few doses of Motherwort tincture (5 drops) three or so times per day while the detoxing symptoms are present and leaving me feeling stressed and sleep deprived.

Are you out there?  How are you doing?

 

Walking the Walk

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It is one thing to know what you have to do, and another completely to actually do it.  Consistency is a matter even beyond that.

Having successfully healed from Fibromyalgia and it’s corresponding depression, anxiety, exhaustion, etc.  I know what I have to do.    You might think that this would make it easier.  And yet, I still struggle with disbelief, and the myriad of other hurdles that keep people from making the choices that they want to be making.   I know that I feel dramatically better when I drink herbal infusions each day, when I take my fermented cod liver oil and probiotics consistently.  I know that sugar makes me feel sluggish with bouts of depression, irritability and heightened sense of stress and fear, and yet, I still eat bits of chocolate bar almost every night; telling myself that because it is dark, organic, fair trade and unrefined it is okay.  Well, it’s not likely to kill me, but it’s not going to allow me the feeling of health and strength that I want so badly.   The sometimes intense cravings for baked goods haven’t subsided yet either.

The healthiest I have ever felt was when my diet was completely free from all grains, additives and sugar.  I drank infusion and many glasses of water each day, took my probiotics and oils, went for regular acupuncture treatments, went to bed at 9 or 10, and listened to a guided meditation as I fell asleep. I was not only free from all symptoms, but also filled with a sense of vitality, peace and happiness that I had no memory of having before.  Simple it seems.  Easy even.   But beneath these simple things lies many lifestyle changes and a shakeup of belief systems.  It also takes the kind of will power and energy that we already feel deficient it.  It’s simple, yes, but not so very easy.

Sometimes I need the reminders of why these things work… in so many words.  Always I remember the underlying lesson.  Always I remember about heavy metals, deficiencies, sensitivites, dysbiosis, candida, fungal and bacterial imbalance… years and years of research fuels the affirmations that I make, but sometimes, I need a little boost.  Sometimes I need to remember the exact why of it all.  Sometimes I need to get real with myself and remember that if I don’t get a different life with the same old choices.

I have the most intensly desire inducing memory of having total freedom not just from symptoms, but also from feeling like a slave to the “lifestyle” and a soldier against cravings.   Food became a side note to my life, a means to an end.  Yes, I enjoyed the food, I made things that tasted good, but all in all I left behind that feeling of need attached to it.  Meals were not the highlight anymore.  I didn’t need chocolate or coffee even, and could hardly remember why I ever thought that I needed them.  I was grateful for the immensity of the feeling of freedom that I had.  That it what I want to get back to.   I don’t just want to be disease free.  I want more than that.  I want to be back to the person that was so alive, so healthy that I stood out in a crowd.   I didn’t have to talk to people about how I lived because they were constantly asking about my skin… the thing they assumed was the source of my “looking so healthy.”  I want to be back to falling asleep easily, waking up refreshed and ready, and filled with a sense of possibility through the days.  I’m ready to let go of being irritable and tired, short with my family, fearful of doing things and tired of life.

We have never juiced before.  It’s something that I never really researched, seemed expensive and possibly unnecessary, but today we decided to give it a try.  Last year I watched a documentary called the The Gerson Miracle and juicing has been on the back of my mind ever since.  We are planting almost 1,000 square feet of vegetables and herbs right now and juicing seems like a reasonable choice for us at this point.  Miso soup with sea vegetables is another thing that I would really like to get into our lives, but I am taking it in chewable doses.  Right now I’m working to continue with going to bed at the same time every night, remembering to stay fully hydrated, drink my infusions and take my oils.  I am recommitting to eliminating the sugar completely and increasing my vegetable intake.

I’ve also started taking 2 teaspoons of Bragg’s raw apple cider vinegar mixed with a heaping teaspoon of raw honey, and 8oz of water.

Currently I have a series of days without pain and oppressive fatigue, but I’m still getting bouts of exhaustion, pain and general feelings of illness ever 5 days or so.  I’ve been without any pain relieving prescriptions for too long to count now.  Months I think.  I’m getting there, and oh god I swear when I get there I will not look back again.  I have learned my lesson.  Nothing that I want to eat, nothing that I want to not be bothered with is worth feeling like this.  I will do what it takes to be healthy and I will remember.  I wish so much that I had made some kind of journal of the process the last time, but it is what it is.  I am doing it now and I know that I will be damned if I forget again.

To our heath, Rebels, to our health.

 

 

Update – Two Difficult Weeks

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After the last post I was feeling dramatically better; expecting that if the improvements continued at that speed that I would be Fibro free again in no time.  Unfortunately, the improvements didn’t continue as such.  I have not gone back on “the rules”, but quite suddenly I started to get symptoms flaring up; pain, serious fatigue, itching, etc.

Looking at what I was doing, fearfully because of the rise in pain, I noticed a few important things.

One: the fear that rises up when I feel the beginning of the pain, if someone asks me how I feel, or if I accidentally leave home without anything for a pain flare up, the fear causes the minor beginnings to flare like blowing on a fire.  Fear/stress = pain when at this delicate stage.  When I am stronger and more sound this is not the case, but at this level of weakness and sensitivity to all triggers, it is a real problem.  It was actually my 8 year old son that helped me work through this.  Taught him well, I did 🙂  He just said, “Well, mama, sometimes I feel afraid and then I get all of those ‘afraid feelings’ like sweating, and tummy ache, but then you tell me that there isn’t anything to be afraid about and you help me feel okay about whatever is happening and all of those things go away so that being afraid isn’t bad anymore. Then it isn’t even there anymore. That’s what you have to do.”

He was right.  I closed my eyes, and forcibly relaxed my whole body starting from my scalp and working my way down and up again.  Then I made sure that I was breathing deeply and slowly, and starting visualizing things that made me feel happy or excited like a walk on a tropical beach (so different from the high desert where we live), a picnic by the lake with cake (it’s a dream, there can be cake!), warm coffee – cup hot on my palms, etc.  After about 5 minutes I realized that the flare had subsided back to a minor sensation that couldn’t really qualify as pain.  Without the fearful response to what this feeling means, it would likely have stayed there.  It made me wonder how much of my suffering is skyrocketed to severe pain because of the fear that it will progress to that.  I’ve been keeping a close eye on this and am finding a lot of truth in it.  In more stressful situations, it can be hard for me to keep a handle on how deep and firey the pain gets.  I have been working to tell myself, It’s OKAY.  This is what it feels like.  You know this feeling.  Maybe it will get worse, maybe it will disappear… either way, the only thing to do is relax as deeply as possible.  Accept.  Know that it will pass.  Breathe, and don’t tense up!  It’s been helping a lot.

Two: Water.  Water is the next key point.  I have come to understand that it is at least as important as staying away from gluten and preservatives.  Any degree of low hydration will  result in pain for me.  And it will result in the most stubborn, deep, widespread variety.  For me this means a gallon of water every single day.  One day of poor intake, say a quart or two, will result in pain before the day is out (usually around dinner time) and if I don’t remedy the situation I will wake up achy and at a difficult deficit in the morning.  Sadly I do this at least twice per week.  Living in the high desert I have to consider that missing some of the water I need is only going to add to the battle that I deal with everyday with the high, gusting winds, 8,200 ft elevation, desert arid air, sun exposure, and year round wood-stove heating (mountain temperatures).  I think of it like this:  I pretend that I am trying to keep a garden alive in the desert.  This requires constant watering, and reduction of anything that will dehydrate me, such as excess sodium, and certain foods.  When I’m dealing with a real dehydration situation, I help myself out and add some coconut water to the mix.  This increases the rate at which I can rehydrate without increasing the inevitable trips to the bathroom.

Sleep.  Oh, my, sleep!  It is so very important.  Quality, undisturbed, delta-wave sleep is necessary.  Without it I might feel okay for a few days or weeks, but I will be tired, and I will be ever so much more susceptible to all environmental triggers.   A thing to understand:  nearly every single sleep drug, antideppressant, anti-anxiety drug, and alcohol will dramatically reduce ability to achieve delta wave sleep or completion of a full sleep cycle.  Most will prevent it entirely.  Sleep is such a deeply, widely complicated issue I’m going to have to cover it over a series of posts.  I spent years and years battling this issue.  I first became aware that I did not sleep easily or deeply when I was about 5 years old.  I struggled with it until I was 27 and it rises up again and again when I don’t stick to the “sleep rules”.  I will have to cover those in another post.  The last five years have been overlapping issues of pregnancy, breastfeeding and nightwaking/teething babies.  It is possible to overcome a block as big as a waking baby to get the kind of sleep necessary, but it takes real dedication and a sacrifice or two.  It’s worth it though.  Nothing will change your outlook on life and your strength against pain like quality sleep.

I’d like to touch quickly on detoxing/die-off symptoms before leaving you.  I realized about a week into the rising of symptoms that I was dealing with detox/die-off symptoms.  After making dramatic changes in my diet, like cold-turkey removal of all grains and sugar, I should have expected it, but somehow didn’t.  Depending upon how long I have been abusing my body with things like gluten, sugar, carageenan, etc. I will experience a whole slew of symptoms ranging from mildly irritating to two days of feeling like I may be dying of cancer, unable to move, hardly speak, etc.  I had been abusing it pretty badly for a long time, so I got two days of the latter.  The pain was too severe to mask, even with pharmaceutical opiates and herbs combined, my stomach ached, the fatigue was deep enough to make it difficult to speak and remember to keep my eyes open.  My heart palpitated, my skin itched, my bones burned and I suffered breakouts all over my face and a few other enjoyable issues.  The thing to know:  given the opportunity, your body  will heal itself.   This will include a forceful removal of toxins through every avenue possible: kidneys, liver, skin, bladder, bowels…  It usually doesn’t feel great, but proper support of your systems while it is happening can reduce the length of severe suffering to a day or two.   Watering your body like you have the flu, REST, vitamins, probiotics and essential fatty acids like those found in fish, (freshly ground) flax seeds, chia seeds, hemp seeds and especially fermentd cod liver oil will go a looong way to helping you recover more quickly.   Gently scrubbing your skin in a warm bath at least once per day and then oiling your skin with a quality, unscented oil like olive oil or coconut oil will help prevent rashes, breakouts, dry or rough patches, redness, itching and swelling.  Your skin is the largest organ of detoxification and your body’s preferred first route.

I’ll leave it there for now, and follow up with more detailed posts on all of these topics.

To our health, Rebels.  We can level this thing.