Walking the Walk


It is one thing to know what you have to do, and another completely to actually do it.  Consistency is a matter even beyond that.

Having successfully healed from Fibromyalgia and it’s corresponding depression, anxiety, exhaustion, etc.  I know what I have to do.    You might think that this would make it easier.  And yet, I still struggle with disbelief, and the myriad of other hurdles that keep people from making the choices that they want to be making.   I know that I feel dramatically better when I drink herbal infusions each day, when I take my fermented cod liver oil and probiotics consistently.  I know that sugar makes me feel sluggish with bouts of depression, irritability and heightened sense of stress and fear, and yet, I still eat bits of chocolate bar almost every night; telling myself that because it is dark, organic, fair trade and unrefined it is okay.  Well, it’s not likely to kill me, but it’s not going to allow me the feeling of health and strength that I want so badly.   The sometimes intense cravings for baked goods haven’t subsided yet either.

The healthiest I have ever felt was when my diet was completely free from all grains, additives and sugar.  I drank infusion and many glasses of water each day, took my probiotics and oils, went for regular acupuncture treatments, went to bed at 9 or 10, and listened to a guided meditation as I fell asleep. I was not only free from all symptoms, but also filled with a sense of vitality, peace and happiness that I had no memory of having before.  Simple it seems.  Easy even.   But beneath these simple things lies many lifestyle changes and a shakeup of belief systems.  It also takes the kind of will power and energy that we already feel deficient it.  It’s simple, yes, but not so very easy.

Sometimes I need the reminders of why these things work… in so many words.  Always I remember the underlying lesson.  Always I remember about heavy metals, deficiencies, sensitivites, dysbiosis, candida, fungal and bacterial imbalance… years and years of research fuels the affirmations that I make, but sometimes, I need a little boost.  Sometimes I need to remember the exact why of it all.  Sometimes I need to get real with myself and remember that if I don’t get a different life with the same old choices.

I have the most intensly desire inducing memory of having total freedom not just from symptoms, but also from feeling like a slave to the “lifestyle” and a soldier against cravings.   Food became a side note to my life, a means to an end.  Yes, I enjoyed the food, I made things that tasted good, but all in all I left behind that feeling of need attached to it.  Meals were not the highlight anymore.  I didn’t need chocolate or coffee even, and could hardly remember why I ever thought that I needed them.  I was grateful for the immensity of the feeling of freedom that I had.  That it what I want to get back to.   I don’t just want to be disease free.  I want more than that.  I want to be back to the person that was so alive, so healthy that I stood out in a crowd.   I didn’t have to talk to people about how I lived because they were constantly asking about my skin… the thing they assumed was the source of my “looking so healthy.”  I want to be back to falling asleep easily, waking up refreshed and ready, and filled with a sense of possibility through the days.  I’m ready to let go of being irritable and tired, short with my family, fearful of doing things and tired of life.

We have never juiced before.  It’s something that I never really researched, seemed expensive and possibly unnecessary, but today we decided to give it a try.  Last year I watched a documentary called the The Gerson Miracle and juicing has been on the back of my mind ever since.  We are planting almost 1,000 square feet of vegetables and herbs right now and juicing seems like a reasonable choice for us at this point.  Miso soup with sea vegetables is another thing that I would really like to get into our lives, but I am taking it in chewable doses.  Right now I’m working to continue with going to bed at the same time every night, remembering to stay fully hydrated, drink my infusions and take my oils.  I am recommitting to eliminating the sugar completely and increasing my vegetable intake.

I’ve also started taking 2 teaspoons of Bragg’s raw apple cider vinegar mixed with a heaping teaspoon of raw honey, and 8oz of water.

Currently I have a series of days without pain and oppressive fatigue, but I’m still getting bouts of exhaustion, pain and general feelings of illness ever 5 days or so.  I’ve been without any pain relieving prescriptions for too long to count now.  Months I think.  I’m getting there, and oh god I swear when I get there I will not look back again.  I have learned my lesson.  Nothing that I want to eat, nothing that I want to not be bothered with is worth feeling like this.  I will do what it takes to be healthy and I will remember.  I wish so much that I had made some kind of journal of the process the last time, but it is what it is.  I am doing it now and I know that I will be damned if I forget again.

To our heath, Rebels, to our health.




One response »

  1. Thanks so much for writing. I feel like I am on a similar journey. I was only diagnosed last year, but I started “fighting” it before I knew what had gone wrong (since it felt like a bad stomach flu for me, I fought it like the flu). I got a bit better with lots of rest, hot baths, and creating sleep “rituals” to help me fall asleep at night. I got even better through cleaning up diet, which for me meant getting rid of 36 foods that my immune system was reacting to (via blood tests). I gained a little more energy and people commented that my skin had gained color, instead of looking pasty. I started going to dance class. It was super hard for the first four weeks or so, but then I discovered that magnesium was really helpful with the pain and brought it down to something managable. I still don’t get a ton of exercise each week, but I try to go to dance class each week and try to get a 30 minute walk at lunch on most days.

    I hadn’t thought about water as being super important, so that is something that I will definitely try. I had tried the candles at night, like you mentioned in a post. It seemed to help, but it is hard to do things by candlelight and it feels kind of silly in the age of electric light… But it is encouraging to hear someone else who is trying to fight fibromyalgia from all sorts of different angles. I think that the hardest thing is to feel like you are doing all of these things alone. Like you, I did a lot of research, and started trying different things to heal… but other people don’t necessary understand the “why” of doing weird things or not always being able to do everything when you are starting to get worn down (because you “look” healthy!)… The diet alone can make socializing an awkward thing, if you can’t eat any of the same foods… So I can understand how it can get tiring to follow the rules. The main reason that I stick to the anti-allergy diet is not because I don’t crave normal food (my diet can seem pretty bland some days!), but because I know that retribution is swift and unkind if I eat something that my immune system doesn’t like. Sticking with “rules” when the consequences of not following them are more delayed is harder, I think.

    Your writing is encouraging, because it reminds me that there are other people out there who are really working to help their body to heal through lifestyle choices. It reminds me that I am not alone. I’ll definitely work on drinking some more water this week, and maybe go back to the candles at night soon. I am going to be trying LDN because it seems the least difficult of the drugs that they use for fibromyalgia and possibly beneficial, so we will see how that works out. I hope that you have a great week, and keep on rebelling! There are others who are fighting the same battle and learning over time what it takes to feel better…

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